sometimes i really wonder if this is for me. helping out, that is.

it happened 3 years ago, and i stepped down from it. is history going to repeat itself again? i really felt very dejected from all that has been said to me, and i can't help asking myself again and again, "is this really for me?"

i cant say i have tried very hard, but i did try, and honestly, i love the people around me, really i do, but i guess the biggest problem with me is laziness and procrastination. and i am really trying to get out of that rut. many things take two hands to clap, and sometimes it's no point trying to get into people's lives, while half the time obstacles jumps right out into your face, stopping you.

is it really that hard?

i asked myself.

have you been trying?

i asked again.

is this all you can do?

so i asked again.

koko made desuka?

is this the end?

after tonight, my already half deflated hope went leaking all the more. i badly need to talk to someone who would understand and encourage me. i was on the brink of breaking down, but i just managed to suppress all my negative emotions and before i knew it, i was home.

i had the very strong urge to MSN you. and i really mean strong urge. but, i don't' know if it would work.

phebe dear, I'm so happy for you for this open opportunity that God has given to you. treasure it, and i know you'd do very well. :)

sher, it's okay. please take care of yourself and don't fall sick. :)