i feel that this week is a special week.

first of all, it started terribly, and horribly, and badly.

i had the longest intention to leave the company that i was temping at already since the previous week, and had even printed out a resignation letter and contemplate on when to hand it in.

on thursday i already decided that i want to leave and had even confided in matthew and he just said do what i feel is right. but i have this wishy washy attitude on the inside of me at times and don't know what to do, or how to go about doing it. so i did not tell my supervisor (sup) about my decision. but i did tell someone, and that is the agent that "gave" me this job. she told me to tell my supp asap. but oh well. i did not.

not on thursday.
and not on friday.

cuz i am not sure when would be my last day. friday? wednesday? or monday?

to cut the long story short, i wanted my last day to be on monday, but i hadnt had the chance to submit my resignation letter the week before.

and to add cherry to the icing, the agency that "handled" me, called my supervisor up and asked if she needs a replacement since i'm leaving, BEFORE i had the chance to tell my supp that i am leaving!

can you imagine?!

so i was like "ohhh myyy goodnessss" beside my supp when she heard the phone call and turned and looked at me with venom in her eyes.

i gulped and took out the letter that i've prepared for so long, and handled it to her, with a grim expression too. and she blew up, almost literally.

i would not go into the details, but oh well, it was just a very bad monday. and partly it was my fault. if i had not been so wishy washy in handling this matter, i think everything would have been fine.

i even sort of dragged matthew into hot soup because supp thinks he has no courtesy because he didnt even inform her of my decision of leaving. and she blew up at him too which i think is seriously uncalled for.

i mean, yes, it was very wrong of me not to tell her earlier, or give sufficient advance notice, but i apologized about 20 times, explained about 15, sighed about 10,000. and she doesnt even take in any of it. but it is MY fault, so why drag innocent party in?

uncle gave me a good advice when we had lunch together on tuesday and sometimes his advice could make you feel like holding a knife in front of him to ask him to stop, or to shake his hand with tears in your eyes and say thank you for such great advice.

im not exaggerating, but his words are rather true, and truth hurts. it was my fault, and i admit it. but i still feel that supp could have better handled it as well.

so what if she has a whole pile of big project to do?
so what if things at home arent doing well?

am i the trash bin you take your anger on?

who doesnt have work load and pressure piled on them?

i know matthew is under A WHOLE LOT.
so is eunice.

but they don't seemed to behave like volcano erupting when i told them about my leaving.

i understand if she is angry and upset, but her reaction plus her emotions need not go together right? and her attitude toward other colleagues is ridiculous.

she accused matthew of bad-mouthing her which he did not. i mean, if your character is upright, what is there to be afraid of, right?

there WILL be times when our bad attitude show, our temper surfaced, but if you have been a cool person, handling everything with calmness instead of madness, with genuine heart toward everyone, with no strings attached, then WHAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT YOU?

there's a saying that says: "people only badmouth and criticise people that they are jealous of."

i don't know how true is that lah. =/

but i know sometimes, for me it IS true. haha.

so right now, even for me, i couldn't care less if the whole department is badmouthing about me right now. how irresponsible i am. how ridiculous i was. how improper i was.

whatever.

im not saying im a perfect angel at work. i admit i did slack and skive a little here and there. but i still did what i am supposed to do, though.

maybe they should divert their attention OFF me and ON them. why did i choose to leave?

if it were a happy environment, a place where i can learn and grow, i would happily would have worked there. but nope, i felt wasted there, not saying i have A WHOLE LOT of talent, but well, i do, you know? only i don't show. haha.

so anyway, i said i felt wasted there. why? what can i learn from cold-calling 200 companies to remind them to do survey?

my pronounciation?
my enunciation?

thank you very much, i can learn that through oral english tests, or better still, preaching tests.

shredding papers?
faxing information?
scanning documents?

alright, thank you very much for letting me experience and master the use of a SHREDDING machine, a FAX machine, and a PHOTOCOPYING-cum-SCANNING machine. thanks.

honestly, don't ask for a temp just because you can't be bothered with such stuffs. i mean, yes, some temp may like to do this, but sorry, i don't. so i chose to leave. it's not because i am not willing to be a office girl, doing really, mundane tasks.

which boss doesn't start from scratch? alright, perhaps with the son of the boss as an exception, but yah, every successful man start from scratch, and i won't despise such tasks.

but it is just that people over there are unappreciative (not all), but most of the time, their "thanks", doesn't come from the heart, but from the mouth. and i CAN feel it.

eg:
so and so walked over to me with a list of numbers.

"carol, i got a task for you to do."

*trying not to show my gritted teeth and turn around with a surprised and curious look*

"what is it?"

"can you help me call these companies to remind them to xxxxxxxx?"

"oh.."

"can hor? i will help you later, it's too much for you to call."

"oh, okay."

"thanks."

*walks away*

so so-and-so said tt he will help me later right? that was on wednesday.

thursday passed. friday arrived...

*so-and-so walked towards me*

"so how's the calling?"

"alright lor, about 4/5 done. eh, i thought you said you would help me?"

"yah lah, if i havent gone for the meeting earlier, i would have helped you."

-_-"

if so-and-so came over on wed, or thurs, or even friday, and said something similar to this:

"eh, sorry leh, i can't help you call, i have a meeting to attend. can you manage?"

i would still feel better.

but no, he did not. he just excused himself with a meeting to attend, not even sorry for not helping when he said he would.

ha!

in a place where people don't love each other, nothing can survive. alright, carol can't survive.

so anyway, i am also sick of the politics there.

YES, matthew always asked me, "so? it doesn't bothers you what!"

it DOES!

even tortoises know how to go hide in their shell at the slightest movement around them - but most of the time it doesn't concern them right?

(i know, that's a very lousy illustration, but i can't think of a better one.)

so yah, when big bosses quarrel, small pies have to choose who to support. so i can't stand the place because there is too much of dirty looks, silent curses, and backstabbing.

the environment is as gloomy as it looked.

who can stand it??

that's why i sit down most of the time.

-_- haha.

and the worse thing of the job is, i have to lunch with myself everyday~!

this is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard about for a company rule.

"temp staffs lunch earlier so that they can be in the office to pick up calls when the perm staffs are out for their lunch."

1. no one calls during lunch time - it IS LUNCH TIME!!
2. those who call, have not much courtesy.
3. or they have no brain.

ok lah, maybe there are alot of people who are in the office during lunch time, to answer calls, or etc. but it is COMMON SENSE that majority will be out! right?

so the number of phone calls i received during lunch hours for 3 weeks?

less than 10.

-___-"

so, unhappiness breeds unwillingness and i am super unwilling to continue with the job!

i dont intend to make the whole company sound bad, but this must have been the worse one that i've temp-ed in.

i have made 4 good friends in the place and i think that's the best part of working there.

oh well, learnt from my lesson.

1. dont take long-term contracts easily.
2. dont submit resignation at last moment, unless you have the guts.


*shrugs*